Wednesday, November 05, 2008 @ Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

I was feeling sian and so draggy yesterday at school..

So I decided to make my way to the library for my dose of energy: book.

I was browsing through books after books..

Until I noticed this big bright Yellow book hidden in the corner..

I was thinking that is confirm a book about arts, design or some animation stuffs..

I sorta ignore it...until when I need to squeeze some books aside to put back the book tat i was holding in my hand..

The tittle just slapped in front of my eyes...

"SQ21: Singapore Queers in the 21st century"

My eyes from o.o to O.O

Inside the book, I found out so much...so much...

I can relate myself to them...

It varies...from a 16 years old school boy, 26 years old graphic designer, 30 years old teacher...etc etc....

And therer is actually church who support same sex marriage...

Maybe it's not legally acknowledge by the Singapore government...

But it's something...The stories wrote about their happiness after they exchange rings and vow with each others...

Of all the story tat i see...there is one story which strikes me the most...

The account is told by Elsin Seow, a 29 years old graphic designer and student...

The Story is quite long...from their first meet up to them holding hand in hand n walking down the aisle...

I will not type out their dating part...I will just skip to the marriage part...

ok...here we go...

The important thing about her is how she supports me. She look after me when I'm stressed, and listens to me when I'm excited. She even pays me school fees at the management institute while I do my freelance work; someday I'll pay her back.

I remember the first time I went out with a gurl, I panicked when I had to ask myself, "Oh no, am I a lez?" But now, I've realised gender doesn't matter. The important things is your feeling. I'm attached to character, and I'm always waiting for the other party to make the first move to tell me he or she likes me. I dun believed in luv at first sight. Maybe it happens to other people, but I'm not that kind. I've made of wood, you cannot "electric" me.

And you know, later on, i discovered the meaning of "Cephas". It's another name of the disciple Peter, the stable one, the one JEsus called, "the rock", because he was the foundation on which he would build his church. Peter, the rock. SO I
like to call her "Stone". Cephas hates that.

I dunno when we decided we were getting married. After 4 months, it came up so naturally that Cephas forgot to propose- a frenz had to ask her how she'd done it b4 she remembered to buy me an engagement ring.

All my frens were surprised tat I'd decided to marry a gurl. I'm bisexual, and I'd had 4 gurlfrenz and 4 boyfrenz b4 Cephas, so they always thought I'd settled down with a guy, for the legal stability if nothing else. But by then I knew Cephas was the one, and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

People say that gay relationship dun last. They say they dyn feel anywhere, not like
straight couples, who have all the necessary stages of settling down and having
children. There's just the 2 of u from beginning to end. So if u wan it to work,
u have to make plans.

Without plan, you just live day by day, not knowing where to put down roots and blossom. There's no stability just being 2 gurlfrenzs forever and ever. One day maybe you'll realise your relationship dun have a future, and you've been lying stagnant for the past 40 years. Now, when you make a commitment like marriage, it's like you're panting a tree. You make an agreement to trust and support each others, and year after year, you know where the apples will fail.

But you're not the only one who has to deal with your marriage. It's a family
affair. So I had to tell my mum who I was dating.

Gender doesn't matter.....The important thing is your feelings...

At first Cephas and I had a crazy idea, to get a guy from our cell-group to pretend to be my boyfrenz, and then gradually replace him with Cephas. We actually make plans! The guy actually looked a lot like her too. But in the end, over lunch, I decided to stop joking. How long could that lie last?

So I said, "Forget it. Let's just take a neoprint."

And that night, I held out that sticker, and told my mum, "NOw, this is the person I've been going out with."

My mum looked closely, "Chehh!" she saied, "It's a gurl." Then the truth sunk in, "A gurl! Are you crazy? Are you mad? Are you mad?

She scolded me for 3 or 4 days, but luckily I'm very stubborn. I just ignore her, and keep going to work and school. As for my brother, I came out to him over sms. His response was, "Are you mad? This is Singapore!"

It didn't matter.

Cephas's mum liked me already; I tried to sarkar(curry favour) her with gifts and very soon I realised she thought jewwlry and other accessories were a waste of money. So I brought her a pair of pyjamas and a spatula for the kitchen. Now she used them all the time.

We got married in St Andrew's Cathedral. It was Saturday, 12 july, 2003; just a private ceremony, the two of us declaring our love before God and each other. I remember when Cephas read me her vows, my tears came running down like tap water. It was that touching. Only then, I Understood why brides cry at weddings.

Later, we had a high tea with our frenzs-just the gurls-over the Marina Mandarin. My frenz Marcus did the wedding photos-They're on my handphone if you want to see them. One of my kakis said, " if you'rea lez, you've failed in your humanity." I showed him the photos, and he took it back. Look at this one-Cephas doesn't like it-the one with me in the qipao and her in the mandarin collar. I tried to get her to wear the trditional chinese hat with the flower in front, but she said no way. And we
got this pair of rings-tailor-made, you can't buy them off the shelf. you can
see the three strips of diamond, set in white gold? They're her and my design
mixed together.

We dun have a place of our own yet, so I stay with Cephas Thursday to Saturday, and she visits my family Monday to Wednesday- my room's tooo small, so she can't stay over. I go out with Cephas's sister and my brother in law a lot, and I know her mum still likes me, because when she's upset with me she'll tell the sister.

For x'mas and new year Cephas comes to my place for dinner. It pays to be honest with your parent. Sometimes you're afraid they'll be upset, that they'll want you to change, but in the end, blood is thicker than water. It's better that they know you as your true self before they go away. And last Chinese New Year, it was my dad who invited Cephas over for the reunion dinner. She was quite shocked, but very, very
honoured.

Right now I'm freelancing at Bugis, so sometimes for luncg we go back to the Army Market beef noddles stall- the auntie there knows us already. And recently, Cephas tell me why, tat night in Centro when I first meet her, she was wearing tat obiang combination of yellow long-sleeved shirt and glasses. She'd just fininshed work, and
her frenz asked her to go clubbing. So she wore her office clothes to Centro. Joey was trying to have a date with me. So you see, it was all an accident.

And of course, I saied i dun believe in luv at first sight. But I still remember that first night, when she was glowing. So ridiculous, so crazy, shining like a candle.

But I couldn't stop looking at her. And I never have.

My favorite words from the book:

"I won’t be robbed. my name’s dominic chua. i’m gay. and i’m not afraid that you know.”
– from sq06: dominic chua, page 93

"Yes, I have 2 sons, and you can print out their names." - from sq14: Khoo Hoon Eng

"Because I was her son, she had to come out together with me." from sq03: Jeremy Kwok

"But I couldn't stop looking at her. And I never have." - from sq01: Elsin Seow

"you want to sleep with a lesbian? Go ahead. Dun make it into a competition. Do it because you like her." from sq08: Lu Huen

A lots..a lots....u need to read the book to find out...

Finally...typed finished le...hand aching sia...lol...

Top of page