Sunday, November 30, 2008 @ Sunday, November 30, 2008

Verse 1

Another summer day has come and gone away

In Paris and Rome, I wanna go home

Maybe surrounded by a million people I

Still feel all alone, I just wanna go home

Oh, I miss you, you know

And I've been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you

Each one a line or two, "'I'm fine baby how are you?"

Well, I would send them but I know that it's just not enough

My words were cold and flat and you deserve more than that

Another airplane, another sunny place I'm lucky I know

but I wanna go home, I've got to go home

Chorus

Let me go home

I'm just too far from where you are

I gotta come home

Let me go home

I've had my run, baby I'm done

I wanna come home

Verse 2

And I feel just like I'm living someone else's life

It's like I just stepped outside when everything was going right

And I know just why you could not come along with me'Cause this was not your dream, but you always believed in me

Another winter day has come and gone away

In neither Paris nor Rome and I wanna go home

I miss you, you know

Chorus

Let me go home

I've had my run

Baby I'm done

I wanna go home

Let me go home

It'll all be alright

I'll be home tonight

I'm coming back home

I always feel my tears threaten to spill out wherever I watch this mv...

It really sing out the emotions of the feeling of going home...

Home, a place of warmth and happiness...

I am being nostalgic right now...

@ Sunday, November 30, 2008

RULE #1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

RULE #2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

tagged by : nil...(do for fun..) hahaa.

1. Do you have secrets?
--->nope...

2. Would you fall in love with a boy/girl younger than you?
--->gurls...i dun mind...boy...well..impossible..

3. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
---> 2 years....

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
---> SHOPPING...save half in my bank...give some for my parent...treat my closest frenzs..n laogong..=DDD

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
---> no way...haha

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?--->
when you love someone that loves you back...

7. Give one reason why you love your significant other.
---> She is the one...=DD

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
--->wretch myself from that feeling...dun like being a third party...>.<

9. What is the first thing you want to do when you're legal?
--->hmm...I am 18..so I will talk about 21..watch R21 movie...haha

10. What would you do if your significant other cheats on you?
----> no second chance..coz the matter will be stick into my mind like a glue which will drop off unless i dump tat person..else the hurt will always be there..huting me..

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
----> I will be 28 years old..hmm..teaching...be a piano teacher...advertising..sth fun n not dull...most of all..still with her...

12. Who is currently the most important people to you?
---> GF...GF...still Gf...

13. How many times your heart has been broken?
--->3 bah.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
---->SINGLE AND RICH!!!!!! hahahaa.

15. What is your favourite colour?
--->white..

16. If you're attached but you feel as if you like someone else, what would you do?
---> walk away...coz i love my gf the most...

17. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing the someone has done?
--->I will forgive..but i wun forget....no way....

18. What do you want to tell the someone you like?
--->I LOVE u...

19. If there is a choice between lover and friends, which will you choose?
---> both...i wun give up both...

20. LAstly, name 5 person u want to tag?
--->hmm...GF, Quinne, Ida, Hui ping, Candice, Ling er...

Finish le....LOL

leg sore...back sore...butt sore..hahaha...think maybe is due to fatigue over lack of sleep and overwork myself....

I need to bring my body back to good shape soon...next year join some sport ig....to pump back my adrenalin again..

Lao gong kept calling me today...n I LOVE It...hearing her voice is probably the sweetest melody I ever heard...her voice is cute la..HAHAHA

Today Manager treat me for a KFC Zinger meal..
Wheeeeeeee...my crispy crunchy munchy chicken...
miss tat taste so much..........finally got to sank my teeth on the meat....what a bliss...

One of my colleage is really a entertainer...can make me laugh until my stomach squeeze in pain..
I keep grasping for my oxygen....else i really cannot breathe...(pass me an oxygen tank...>.<)

When I reach BL bus interchange...The aroma of Ramily burger whipped me in the face and I suddenly feel the urge to eat again...(well...no matter hw much i eat..I am still the same size...so dun worry..guys..LOL)

Miss the oh-so familiar ketchup...chilli powder....chicken meat(again...)egg...mayo....bread...butter....n etc.....all rolled into one....(anybody feeling hungry??)

Just finished eating it in front of my lappy...feel so happy...my bro already pass me his 3 dollars to help him buy one for him...he was looking at me with an envy eyes...(poor him, too bad..it's mine...)

Back to what i want to blog a few days ago but have no time to blog about it..

Just that day before...I was reading a book that I had just borrowed from the library...

I ran past this phrase "Life is full of Ifs.."

Ya...a lots....

"If i dun do this..den maybe I will not..."
"If I had met u earlier...maybe I will be..."
"If I had know it will end up in this way...I will not.."
"If I had know sooner...I will allow u..."

and a lots of if.................................

I used to say if..if ....if...

If I had know it..I would not say if...

if if is not if...if will not exist...

Ok..I am playing with word...just ignore that above line...

A lots of things happen for a reason...I truly believe it...

A happens that lead to B...and B will alter again and make it way to C...

Everybody is living a life full of ifs...

If I am happy, I will be laughing rather than crying...

Sometime...it's better to stop saying if and get on with life...

Cause the word "if" will always let u stuck in the past..n it will hard for one to move on..

Try saying..."now" instead....

"Now, I will (please fill in the blank yourself)...."

Thursday, November 27, 2008 @ Thursday, November 27, 2008

After my piano lesson, I went out to find her today...

She is so busyyyyy nowasday....running here n there for works....

Hope she get plenty of rest at home right nw...=DD

I am currently broke at the moment....nw living off lao gong expenses...(ahem..ahem..)

But dun worry...I am going to get my PAY soon..wheeeeee

Going to buy a lotsa things...
-A new wallet
-A new bottle
-A new Bag
-A new black spec
-A new pair of converse shoes
-A cute coin bank(Saving up for my cousins X'mas gifts)
-cLOTHES...lots of it..

Anyway...I get myself a new haircut and alots of ppl r "dying" to watch it..haha

Not much difference..just a lotsa layers...sorta puff up my hair...(my mum luv it..LOL)

But it saves a lots of time when i am bathing...my hair is kinda light compare to my heavy look last time..

I was opting for an cool look..in the end...make myself more fem up...haiz...it's ok..I'm a female..

Me and her went to a some dunno what name store fitting room to take pic...haha

Tuesday, November 25, 2008 @ Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I just discovered sth hilarious today..

There is one faci in our school to whom everyone secretly believe that he is a full-fledge gay..

I am not going to judge a person right here...but just wanna list out why we tot of him as gay..

The way he always wear tight t-shirt, tight jeans (maybe wanna show out his muscles)
The way he waved his hand here and there in a womanly manner wherever he is talking to us...
The way he pose for his picture in his msn display picture...(o.O)

For privacy sake, I will not put his picture right in my blog...

Cause there is a hint of gay feel to his "cute" pose...

But he is actually married with a kid?!

One my friend remarked that maybe he is a bisexual....

Or maybe his wife is a gay also --> (butch)

Tat's y make a perfect pairing...

gross..gay and butch together...(it dun seem right, through it sound kinda interesting...)

@ Tuesday, November 25, 2008

The little boy is so CUTe...

hahahaha

Monday, November 24, 2008 @ Monday, November 24, 2008

What is the most unique thing about you?
` my zen nature...LOL

Has anyone ever asked you if you were retarded?
` nope...

Who was the last person you were in a fight with?
` GF..=D

Where do you spend the majority of your time?
` School....

How many texts have you sent/received today?
` a few..LOL.

Are you hated or a hater?
` neither..

How tall are you?` 1.66

Who has been the most influential person in your life?
` dad..n GF.

What song are you totally sick of?
' Rihanana umbrella...sing one more time...I will throw a stone at u...>.<

Who are you totally sick of?
` nope...

If you could buy anything, what would it be?`
A lots of clothes from topman...fox...gap...

Who do you spend the most time with?
` Family...closed friends...GF..

Favorite sports team?
`dun have€

Who do you work for?
` Shengtai company..

What do you do there?
` sales assistance...

What is your favorite club/bar?`
hmm...haven find the right bar..

How do you deal with stupid people?
` one word: ignore

What song do you HAVE to hear there?
` hmm...dunno..

Do people take advantage of you?
` hmm..not really bah..

What show on TV do you always turn off?
` hmm...shows for oldies....

What cell phone are you dying to have?
` haven yet find the right one..

Who was the first boy/girl you fell in love with?
` hmm..jian wei..but tat's ancient news..

Why do you take these surveys?
` coz it looks kinda interesting to me..

Who do you really miss?
` GF...=DD

Besides your drivers ed instructor, who taught you to drive?
` i'm not learning to drive.

Do you wish you could be a kid again?
`Of coz..who wouldn't??

Everyone has a crazy aunt or uncle, tell me about yours:
` about them stalking me to my work place...>.<

What causes you the most stress?
` hmm...wun say at here..

If you only had 100.00 in your wallet, what would you spend it on?` CLOTHEs...SHOES..BAGS...n FOODIES...=DDDDDDDDDDD

Would you consider yourself sarcastic?
` hmm.when i am dealing with thoes crapper..

Tell me about the best job you ever had?
` 7 dollars per hours standing just there....=DD

Do you lick your plate when you're finished eating?
` tat's gross..

Who has disappointed you most in your life?
` hmm....a fews bah...

What is your favorite board game?
' scrabble...the game of life...=DDDDDDDDD

Do you get mad if you lose?
` nope..it's jus a game...

Who is someone that can push your buttons the most?
` hmm....for nw...no one..

Could you live without cheese?
` of coz..but i noe my gf wun..hahahaha

Who is the best cook you know?
` Gf, dad, mum, grandMUM

If you could eliminate one word from the english vocabulary, what would it be?
` ghoul...sound so mouldy..>.<

Is there anything you think is over rated?`
umm..hmm...a lots to mention down here..

Are you at work right now?`
jus back from work..

What is the last surprise you got?
` hmm...GF..HAHA

Sunday, November 23, 2008 @ Sunday, November 23, 2008

Lao gong just came and find me at my working place..

=DDDDDD

She looked like a big big panda today..due to insomnia...-.-

Today gets a lot of "kicks" and "slaps" from her...but all quite painless de..

Her one more serious...coz she went to have an injection in some hospital tat day before..

So her left arm is still aching in pain...ouch..

I just need to brush my hand across her "wounded area"...she will be arrghh-ing away...LOL

But I am not tat evil...^^

muahahahaha.....(>.< ok...I am...a bit...)

She should be home by now...hope she have a good rest...

I just found out another difference between us..

I like to walk around aimlessly to find my destination..whereas she wan to make sure that the place we are finding is at there b4 we start walking to there...

"ask, and ye will receive.."

Even through i am not a christian..but i truly believe this verse from the bible...

I like to ask..only when I knew I had really lost my way...

I will try to ask next time before we make our way to any place...

lao gong...dun wanna make u feel angry le...

Thursday, November 20, 2008 @ Thursday, November 20, 2008

Just finish presentation...

Feeling so non-chalent...

Lao gong is the only person who can make me feel I am still breathing on this cute Earth...

But other than tat..I am feeling quite unmotivated for my course...

I mean...I can just go to school like normal everyday...but without an aim..

I am not like tat last year in school....I need to find back the old me...

I used to feel energetic...alert...boundless of energy to spare...nv feel so alive b4..

Right nw..it's like a small puddle...in school...

I think I need to read some self-help book to get me back in track..

Can't afford to be like this...my GPA is at the risk here...

I think after this sem..it will drop another 1.5 or 1 ...haiz..

I hope it still stay at 3.o...I wan my 3.6...

3.6 looks so faraway from my grasp right nw...T.T

NOO....Come back...

It's time for the "old-studious-me" to be back...

Schedule
-Stop being late for school(damn -0.5 policy, urrgh...)
-Read my 6th ppt and revise thoroughly...Use UT to PULL up GRADE (the smart way)
-Set 1 hours aside (excluding sat & sun) to practise on my piano
-Her

I think next year will be a fun-filled year...

I have successfully applied to major in IT security...

Course Modules:
IT Security

C235 IT Security and Management
C335 Network Security
C336 Digital Identification Technologies
C333 Business Continuity Technologies
C331 Digital Security and Forensics
C332 Intrusion Detection Systems

C331 and C235 look quite fun...haha...

No more coding for next year...happyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Plus my elective for the first sem is MARKETING

HAPPY...finally there is a business module for me...

Next year will be camp...camp..camp....my story telling....FYP...PARTYY....n HER

Wanna enjoy my last year in Rp...b4 i graduate with a 3.6gpa...^^

No more late days for school starting tml...

SMILE =DDDDDDDD

@ Thursday, November 20, 2008

"My frenz saw me today a say I 2day look different. kaka. 比较女孩子!"

-.-

救命啊。。。好想看到她变得这么样了。。可是太远了。。。》。《

这种感觉好折磨人呐。。。

很久没有这种感觉了。。。

不要在想了。。。

停。。。

Wednesday, November 19, 2008 @ Wednesday, November 19, 2008

1. Your someone needs you at 3am would you go?
of coz...if i got the $$ to take taxi..haha

2. When was the last time you wanted to scream?
a long time...

3. What was the last thing you cried about?
when i hurt her...

4. Who did you hang out with last?
hmm..quinne..

5. What are your plans for the weekend?
work..work..work..

6. How many hours did you sleep last night?
hmm...from 1-11 (10 hours bah..lol)

7. Have you ever cried while in the shower?
dots...i wun...

8. Could you go a day without eating?
can..of coz..^^

9. What music you listening right now?
The loneliness..

10. Is there someone you want to fight with?
nope...She's totally mine..muahahha

11. Has anyone ever told you they're in love with you?
beside her...no one else..

12. Do you believe in true love?
of coz...=D

13. When was the last time you were disappointed?
last week..

14. Do you miss your past?
nope...for what..

15. What are you doing tonight?
hmmm..gig out with her..

16. Is there anyone who doesn't like you?
hmm..hw i noe...LOL

17. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
water..

18. Do you believe ex's can be friends?
hmmmm....i dunno...but in my case...nope

19. Which of your friends do you argue with the most?
quinne..HAHAH...jus kidding..sista

20. Ever kissed someone that smoked?
umm...

21. Ever liked two faced people?
eeee....gross...no way...hate tat man..

22. Is there someone in your life you don't want in it?
nope..LOL

23. What are you excited about?
Meeting her later...wheeee

24. Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
ya....

25. Does it take a lot to make you cry?
ya...a lots..else...impossible..

26. What’s your favorite season?
the chrismas season...wheee

27. Does it annoy you when someone says they’ll call, but never do?
of coz...........-------------------_______________-------------------

28. What's the connection between you and the last person you talked to?
daddy-daughter r/l..

29. Do you check your phone every hour?o
nly when it rings...haha

30. Do you like texting?
with close frenzs...n her.

31. Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
I already promise her to talk abt my own feeeling...n stop hiding them..

32. Anything depressing within the last month?
it's all gone le..finally...

33. Is there anyone that means a lot to you?
her....=DDDDDDDDDD

34. When was the last time you got really frustrated?
yesterday bah..

35. Jeans or shorts?
depends..

36. Do you care if your boyfriend/girlfriend drinks?
if she is a social drinker...I'm ok...but haha.she dun drink

37. In the past week have you felt sad?
NOPE...^^

38. Do you get the recommended eight hours of sleep each night?
no..T.T

39. How was your holidays?
FUN

40. What time did you wake up this morning?
11am..

41. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
forward...i wun go back a week..for what..

42. Bad thing you said today?
hmm...haven yet..LOL

43. Have you ever been hurt so bad,and thought,moving on would be fast for you cos of what
happen?
ya..used to...but i seriously dun give a damn abt it anymore...

44. If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
what it meant to be ...it will be...so i wun...

Tuesday, November 18, 2008 @ Tuesday, November 18, 2008

最近有一直跟一位朋友在网上聊天，她已经跟了她的女朋友分了好几个月。。



至今，她还是对她念念不忘。。她需要时间来“忘记”那份爱她的感觉。。



但是，昨天跟她聊天的时候，她告诉我她心里已经得到了一种安慰。。



因为她终于跟她说了她为什么要跟她分手的原因。。。



原本想在msn问你。

可是我发现我没有胆！

我逊吗~ 哈哈。嗯。。。

我只是想问。。当时为什么要离开我？

只是个超简单的问题！

只是单纯的想知道！

所以。。要回信咧~~

take cares~ xoxo --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



无可否认的我很自私，也很花心我会喜新厌旧

我很也很贪心我要有安全感，新鲜感

跟你分手到现在我都是单身不过之前有一个暧昧的

不懂跟你说这些有干吗现在回想起来真正的原因。。

也许。。真的是因为距离

我是很难可以定心的人

讲真的你没有在我身边的时候

我感觉就像单身你明白我的意思吗？

一日复一日一成不变的信息内容还有。。。。

我感觉不到你有多爱我。。。。这样说是很自私的我知道我觉得。。

我要的东西你给不到可能我也给不了你要的两方面想我给不了

分手我没想你要什么

自私我不知道啦总之。。。

就这样了也许我真的就是那么的。。唉。。



爱情。。。真的是越爱越深，痛的感觉就越深。。。

我的她每一个动作，每一句话，每一个表情，每一个笑容

每一个的一个对我来说都可以影响到我的情绪。。



她笑，我就笑。。

她哭，我心痛。。



她现在还应该在睡觉。。。昨晚应该又熬夜了。。

果然是名副其实的大熊猫。。。

看到了嘛？趴在下面的还蛮像她的。。。

可爱死了。。。

Monday, November 17, 2008 @ Monday, November 17, 2008

Take my hand

Take a breath

Pull me close

And take one step

Keep your eyes

Locked on mine

And let the music be your guide.

Won't you promise me (Now won't you promise me)

That you'll never forget (We'll keep dancing)

To keep dancing

Wherever we go next

It's like catching lightning

The chances of finding someone Like you

It's one in a million

The chances of feeling the way We do

And with every step together

We just keep on getting better

So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance?)

Can I have this dance?

Oh,No mountain's too high enough

Oceans too wide

Cause together or not

Our dance won't stop

Let it rain, let it pour

What we have is worth fighting for

You know I believe That we were meant to be,

Yeah,It's like catching lightning

The chances of finding someone Like you (Like you)

It's one in a million

The chances of feeling the way

We (we do) do

And with every step together

We just keep on getting better

So can I have this dance? (Can I have this dance?)

Can I have this dance?

Can I have this dance?

Can I have this dance?

Brilliant song...^^

The dancing part is wow...

LOVE HSM..<3

Thanks for accompany me to watch it....LG

Anyway, when I woke up this morning...

I just discovered that my left eye is so swollen...I can't even find my eyelid..CRY

Now wearing my spec to school...look so geeky...T.T

Sunday, November 16, 2008 @ Sunday, November 16, 2008

Jus back from a 3 days 2 night "camp"....

Shying away from cam...LOL

Huggy..<3

US...

finally upload le..

(Wink)

The kid kept looking at us..

We went for a movie trip to Orchard cineplex..for high School Musical 3

The movie is way tooooooo cool..much better than I had expected...

We were walking around in cine..when she see a rainbow shirt from NUM...

She was "I wan...arrgh..I wan.." (LOL...)

We get it for 10% discount..

Here is thoes hilarious picture after she had brought the shirt..

LOL...

>.<

She keep stamping on her shoes

after pasting the poor "sperm" behind the back of her shoes..

LOL

Thursday, November 13, 2008 @ Thursday, November 13, 2008

@ Thursday, November 13, 2008

The "obiang" picture of our jumping pose...

Finally sth decent..

LOL

Later going for emcee audition....

Seriously, i dun have any feel to audit anything..

But I will just give it a try...

Smile..

^^

Wednesday, November 12, 2008 @ Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Simple Plan — I Can Wait Forever lyrics

You look so beautiful today

When you're sitting there it's hard for me to look away

So I try to find the words that I could sayI know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away

And I can't lie

Every time I leave my heart turns gray

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can wait

I can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait

I can wait forever

You look so beautiful today

It's like every time I turn around I see your face

The thing I miss the most is waking up next to you

When I look into your eyes, man I wish that I could stay

And I can't lie

But every time I leave my heart turns gray

And I want to come back home to see your face

And I

Cause I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can waitI can wait forever

When you call my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

But I can waitI can wait

I can wait foreverI know it feels like forever

I guess that's just the price I gotta pay

But when I come back home to feel your touch

Makes it better

Till that day

There's nothing else that I can do

And I just can't take it

I just can't take it

Another day without you with me

Is like a blade that cuts right through me

But I can waitI can wait forever (I can wait forever)

When you call my heart stops beating

When you're gone it won't stop bleeding

But I can wait (I can wait)

I can wait

I can wait forever

I can wait forever

I can wait forever...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008 @ Tuesday, November 11, 2008

• 每一株玫瑰都又刺，正如每个人的性格中，都有不可容忍的部分．爱一个人不是努力的把对方的刺根除，而是学会如何不被对方的刺刺伤和如何不让自己的刺伤心爱的人.

你终于明白了。。。

不知道为什么我的心里有一点安慰。。。

你终于明白了。。也许你已经成熟了

好好的去闯。。去玩。。。去体验成长的滋味。。。

我呢。。。已经成长了。。明白了蛮多事情。。。

做错了。爱错了。
玩疯了。玩傻过。
走错过。迷路过。
心痛过。快乐过。

但是，起码我领悟到活在这个世界的意义。。。

我明白那段句子。。

我曾经刺伤过，也被刺伤回。。

就因为我的任信。。我的执著。。我的态度。。

那时的我爱的好笨拙。。不知道怎样去面对。。所以选择放弃。。

但是，现在不一样了。。。

有了她。。我开始懂了怎样去笑。。

Monday, November 10, 2008 @ Monday, November 10, 2008

I think now blogging is the only way for me to release my emotion freely...

I try writing on my journal...but it's not enough...It's like trying to tame a wild tiger..

I got so much pack for next month..thanks god I never let myself involved in the outreach camp..

Coz I noe I will be too tired....

Piano...Utopian..Storytelling...Audition for some Emcee...job

I am ok with stress...It will helps me grow up and evolved into another new mindset...

Emcee...writing...Storytelling...all rolled into one in one month...LOL

I am ok with writing and storytelling..Emcee...I really need to brush up on my stage skill...

If I can't hype up on stage..i think I will used the traditional method to "wow" the crowd...

C'mon, u r 18...Should be in a hype up mood...

Gonna give it a try...without fail..

I need to by hook or crook practise my piano tml..and wednesday morning for 2 hours...

No excuse for me...I have not touched it for more than 3 days...

I need to feel alive..I am not like this last year...

It's time to come back...

For the job part..I think for now still stick to Toyroom..

Wait till next year after i get out of Helicon comittee...
I think I am joining a sport IG for fun also can...

Finally..next year I will dun have programming modules to care....no PP to care....no comittee..

Just me...myself..with my favourite electives...favourite specialisation...best team mates for FYP...piano-ing and have fun in my sport IG(for fun also can..) n also with her...

@ Monday, November 10, 2008

自从高二那一年，　
被同学骗说：“反正补习时间还早，　
先去某个地方吃点点心，看个电影，我请客。”　
涉世未深的我想：也不无道理，　
对方既是好朋友，应不会有陷阱，　
何况一堆熟人一起去也不会吃亏，就傻傻的跟去。　

本来是没打算做，　
但是上了贼船，看了人家的影片，吃着人家的饼干，　
经过那边的姐姐再三说：“人都是要经过这一次的！”
这话不知害死了多少年轻人？ 也看到不同的椅床，躺着不同的人，
当然还有我那位同学，　
来的人都上场了，只有自己还在等候区。
为了表现英姿，也就把自己的第一次给送出去了。
第一次真的很痛。

尤其是那么粗的一根插在体内，有时插两次。　
旁人不时会问说：“痛不痛？”　
强忍着心中痛楚，脸上还要假装坚强，　
没有任何遗憾或抱怨，　
也没有像连续剧一般坐在床缘低声哭泣。　
以后又陆陆续续和他去了几次，　
吃着相同的饼干和饮料，　
还是相同的做法、相同的电影以及相同的椅床。　
只是不同的对象、不同的音乐、不同的心情、不同的生理状况。　

年少轻狂的日子过去，人老了，心也老了。　
但是，我永远忘不了第一次的经验。　
尤其当知道需要的人是如此的渴望。
当有人问我第一次会不会痛？　
我会毫不考虑的回答：“只要你没试过，一定会很痛，
但是因为心中有爱，你会愿意继续去承受。
第一次、第二次、第三次。。。第N次，　
你会慢慢的习惯，　
慢慢的转化成更浓蜜的情谊，　
对这种小小的刺痛再也不以为意了。”

“捐血一袋，救人一命！”做个快乐的捐血人！


哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。。。

我的头脑已经往歪的方面想了。。。

但到最后。。。。原来只是捐血。。。。

Sunday, November 09, 2008 @ Sunday, November 09, 2008

"Why do u like to keep talking about your network of lez frenz?"

For a moment, I am seriously taken aback by this question from a friend...

For a min, I feel so confused...like how it grabbed me when i know I am one...

For a sec, how I wish I do not have a network ................

For a millisec, how i wish I am not chatting to my friend at that moment of time...

Her question just kept on reverberating around my mind...knocking at every brain cell, trying in vain to find an anwser to that question...

Why do I have a network of......maybe with one, I feel more safe...I feel I am not alone facing this...I feel that is someone out there dealing the same matter as me...I feel that is someone who I can turn to wherever I feel helpless about this whole thing...

Wherever i hear of LBGT pride...

I ask myself..do I feel proud as being a gurl who like the same gender..

nope...It is nothing to be proud of...It is just me...the ordinary me who prefer the same gender..

I am tired..sometime...facing my relatives and my parent...

Sometime, how i wish I can choose the normal path of dating a guy, marry him and settle down with 2 cute babies...

But the problem is I feel nth...nth...for guy...not even an inche of sexual desire..

Since young, it's always be gurls...

Haiz...i dun wanna say the whole thing again...

I am just like a spoiled cd player..which keep repeating the same old lines...

People will get irritated by keep reading the same old things...

Maybe, i need to stop talking about this matter to my other frenzs..

Maybe something which everybody can related to....

Something harmless...

I am sorry...I wun say this matter again..unless u probe about it again...

@ Sunday, November 09, 2008

"Hey, My frenz is shopping around in Suntec, she says she wanna see u....can she?"

"Of coz, but y the sudden..I look a bit shag now..haha.."

"But she say she wants...so where is your working place located?"

"Does she know where is the acade?"

"hmm..i call her first...den ask if she knows or not..."

"ok...when she reached le, just tell her to walk in..."

'Sure, bye.."

After waiting for around 20 minutes or so...lao gong called again and tell me that her friend is not coming...cause she do not want her to meet me...

I was seriously dots at that moment.....and demanded to know where exactly is her friend located ...

She told me her friend was just around at my place...

So i walked out from my store and follow her instruction...

"Ok, turn behind, she is just right there..."

I turned behind...and I see lao gong standing right there...smiling at me with her cute big smile..

The next thing I know is that my heart rhythm is a bit uneven as I turn my back to her with a confused and stunned expression...

I just ran to her.....hahaha...I really never expected her to come and look for me...

It's just a sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet surprise...

Even my friend quin do say it is...haha...apparently, they got on well with each others...^^

She finally say, "Hey, Meng yun not bad leh.."

HAHAHA....okok...ahem ahem....

Nowadays, hugging her just seem to be one of my favourite thing to do...

Laogong, I LOVE YOU...=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Thursday, November 06, 2008 @ Thursday, November 06, 2008

Wednesday, November 05, 2008 @ Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

Lao Tzu

I was feeling sian and so draggy yesterday at school..

So I decided to make my way to the library for my dose of energy: book.

I was browsing through books after books..

Until I noticed this big bright Yellow book hidden in the corner..

I was thinking that is confirm a book about arts, design or some animation stuffs..

I sorta ignore it...until when I need to squeeze some books aside to put back the book tat i was holding in my hand..

The tittle just slapped in front of my eyes...

"SQ21: Singapore Queers in the 21st century"

My eyes from o.o to O.O

Inside the book, I found out so much...so much...

I can relate myself to them...

It varies...from a 16 years old school boy, 26 years old graphic designer, 30 years old teacher...etc etc....

And therer is actually church who support same sex marriage...

Maybe it's not legally acknowledge by the Singapore government...

But it's something...The stories wrote about their happiness after they exchange rings and vow with each others...

Of all the story tat i see...there is one story which strikes me the most...

The account is told by Elsin Seow, a 29 years old graphic designer and student...

The Story is quite long...from their first meet up to them holding hand in hand n walking down the aisle...

I will not type out their dating part...I will just skip to the marriage part...

ok...here we go...

The important thing about her is how she supports me. She look after me when I'm stressed, and listens to me when I'm excited. She even pays me school fees at the management institute while I do my freelance work; someday I'll pay her back.

I remember the first time I went out with a gurl, I panicked when I had to ask myself, "Oh no, am I a lez?" But now, I've realised gender doesn't matter. The important things is your feeling. I'm attached to character, and I'm always waiting for the other party to make the first move to tell me he or she likes me. I dun believed in luv at first sight. Maybe it happens to other people, but I'm not that kind. I've made of wood, you cannot "electric" me.

And you know, later on, i discovered the meaning of "Cephas". It's another name of the disciple Peter, the stable one, the one JEsus called, "the rock", because he was the foundation on which he would build his church. Peter, the rock. SO I
like to call her "Stone". Cephas hates that.

I dunno when we decided we were getting married. After 4 months, it came up so naturally that Cephas forgot to propose- a frenz had to ask her how she'd done it b4 she remembered to buy me an engagement ring.

All my frens were surprised tat I'd decided to marry a gurl. I'm bisexual, and I'd had 4 gurlfrenz and 4 boyfrenz b4 Cephas, so they always thought I'd settled down with a guy, for the legal stability if nothing else. But by then I knew Cephas was the one, and i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her.

People say that gay relationship dun last. They say they dyn feel anywhere, not like
straight couples, who have all the necessary stages of settling down and having
children. There's just the 2 of u from beginning to end. So if u wan it to work,
u have to make plans.

Without plan, you just live day by day, not knowing where to put down roots and blossom. There's no stability just being 2 gurlfrenzs forever and ever. One day maybe you'll realise your relationship dun have a future, and you've been lying stagnant for the past 40 years. Now, when you make a commitment like marriage, it's like you're panting a tree. You make an agreement to trust and support each others, and year after year, you know where the apples will fail.

But you're not the only one who has to deal with your marriage. It's a family
affair. So I had to tell my mum who I was dating.

Gender doesn't matter.....The important thing is your feelings...

At first Cephas and I had a crazy idea, to get a guy from our cell-group to pretend to be my boyfrenz, and then gradually replace him with Cephas. We actually make plans! The guy actually looked a lot like her too. But in the end, over lunch, I decided to stop joking. How long could that lie last?

So I said, "Forget it. Let's just take a neoprint."

And that night, I held out that sticker, and told my mum, "NOw, this is the person I've been going out with."

My mum looked closely, "Chehh!" she saied, "It's a gurl." Then the truth sunk in, "A gurl! Are you crazy? Are you mad? Are you mad?

She scolded me for 3 or 4 days, but luckily I'm very stubborn. I just ignore her, and keep going to work and school. As for my brother, I came out to him over sms. His response was, "Are you mad? This is Singapore!"

It didn't matter.

Cephas's mum liked me already; I tried to sarkar(curry favour) her with gifts and very soon I realised she thought jewwlry and other accessories were a waste of money. So I brought her a pair of pyjamas and a spatula for the kitchen. Now she used them all the time.

We got married in St Andrew's Cathedral. It was Saturday, 12 july, 2003; just a private ceremony, the two of us declaring our love before God and each other. I remember when Cephas read me her vows, my tears came running down like tap water. It was that touching. Only then, I Understood why brides cry at weddings.

Later, we had a high tea with our frenzs-just the gurls-over the Marina Mandarin. My frenz Marcus did the wedding photos-They're on my handphone if you want to see them. One of my kakis said, " if you'rea lez, you've failed in your humanity." I showed him the photos, and he took it back. Look at this one-Cephas doesn't like it-the one with me in the qipao and her in the mandarin collar. I tried to get her to wear the trditional chinese hat with the flower in front, but she said no way. And we
got this pair of rings-tailor-made, you can't buy them off the shelf. you can
see the three strips of diamond, set in white gold? They're her and my design
mixed together.

We dun have a place of our own yet, so I stay with Cephas Thursday to Saturday, and she visits my family Monday to Wednesday- my room's tooo small, so she can't stay over. I go out with Cephas's sister and my brother in law a lot, and I know her mum still likes me, because when she's upset with me she'll tell the sister.

For x'mas and new year Cephas comes to my place for dinner. It pays to be honest with your parent. Sometimes you're afraid they'll be upset, that they'll want you to change, but in the end, blood is thicker than water. It's better that they know you as your true self before they go away. And last Chinese New Year, it was my dad who invited Cephas over for the reunion dinner. She was quite shocked, but very, very
honoured.

Right now I'm freelancing at Bugis, so sometimes for luncg we go back to the Army Market beef noddles stall- the auntie there knows us already. And recently, Cephas tell me why, tat night in Centro when I first meet her, she was wearing tat obiang combination of yellow long-sleeved shirt and glasses. She'd just fininshed work, and
her frenz asked her to go clubbing. So she wore her office clothes to Centro. Joey was trying to have a date with me. So you see, it was all an accident.

And of course, I saied i dun believe in luv at first sight. But I still remember that first night, when she was glowing. So ridiculous, so crazy, shining like a candle.

But I couldn't stop looking at her. And I never have.

My favorite words from the book:

"I won’t be robbed. my name’s dominic chua. i’m gay. and i’m not afraid that you know.”
– from sq06: dominic chua, page 93

"Yes, I have 2 sons, and you can print out their names." - from sq14: Khoo Hoon Eng

"Because I was her son, she had to come out together with me." from sq03: Jeremy Kwok

"But I couldn't stop looking at her. And I never have." - from sq01: Elsin Seow

"you want to sleep with a lesbian? Go ahead. Dun make it into a competition. Do it because you like her." from sq08: Lu Huen

A lots..a lots....u need to read the book to find out...

Finally...typed finished le...hand aching sia...lol...

Tuesday, November 04, 2008 @ Tuesday, November 04, 2008

The lyric sound so true..

I once promise her tat i wun write about her in the blog...

But for once....I feel the need to write this lyric down..

說謊

這次我又擔心到天亮

現在你靠在誰身旁

窗外透進來的光　照得心發慌熬過了

失眠的晚上

*每次你的理由都一樣其實我都懂

只是不講把自己弄得很忙　其實是假裝

看你這次要怎麼收場

我說我會是你可以倚靠的肩膀而你卻站在離我　

最遠的地方

我愛你的心一樣

總是選擇原諒你有多少藉口　除了說謊

#如果我不是你可以停靠的地方我們就到此為止　

不必再勉強現在開始不一樣　像路人經過身旁

你也不必裝模作樣我會遺忘　

別再說謊我會遺忘　別再說謊

I think i send her this song b4...

but i doubt she really understand the meaning hidden inside this song..

U lied...I Lied...He lied...She lied...

To u, u might feel u r the person who get hurts the most...

Not really, everybody do at the same time..

I did, u did, He did, She did

I did when i noe the truth..

U did when u noe the truth..

He did when his love was gone..

She did when her love was gone..

Love hurts...

It's true...when u put in ur whole heart n soul into the person...

n the person just throw infont of u..n laugh at it...

The feeling sucks like hell....

I did..U did...He did...She did...

I knows tat feeling...coz u make me go through it..experience it and taste it...

I dun like tat feeling...It'll poison one mind, heart and soul never to experience love again...

But i found out at the same time, if I keep living the past of hatred and loathing...I will never experience the feeling of happiness....of love..

U once tell me, "如果你还爱我，你不会那么快就找多一个。。"

I am now telling you...it's not i want to find one..

Love is never about "ok, i need a gf right now, so i am going to find one..." this kind of mindset..

The feeling is exuberant....wherever i am with her...

With u...it's always be doubting, questioning, gaps of hole here n there...

U r nv trueful to me...but yet i nv say...coz i used to luv u...

Love can withstand all things...I noe..

Love must be forgiving...i noe..

But what's done is done...I forgive u...but the love between us is alter...

I dun love u anymore..it might sound cruel...sound heartless...

I dunno how much had i hurt u...but 1 thing for sure, u need time to heal...

Sorry for blabbering out so many things right here...else i think i will suffocate inside me...

Cherish the next person tat come along....dun lie again..

@ Tuesday, November 04, 2008

arrgh.....

It's coming soon...

Can't wait to see it...

wheeeeeeeeee

^^

Monday, November 03, 2008 @ Monday, November 03, 2008

This is what i make when i am having my free time at work..

for her...lol

She did make some modification after tat...

Her jie zuo...LOL

nice blending of colours..

hahaha

For now, i will focus on my schoolwork, writing, piano n her...

Got no time for hatred and loathing..

And ya, I just went for a short tour to stomp today...

There is this forum on teacher-student relationship...

I really pity the poor gurl..

tat's her woeful story

Teacher-Student Relationship

I fell hard for a teacher. And it was mutual.I mean, we got really
close after talking regularly for a few months, and he's the sweetest guy
I've ever met. We started our conversations right after a guy broke up with
me... and it's crazy because of the contrast between their personalities,
which highlighted his good points even more.

Before we started talking I already found him attractive, and I was amazed when he slowly unravelled his real sentimental self, which is so far from his hardy facade.

And the whole thing kind of blew up and became a talk in school...
which got us into a whole lot of trouble... But somehow we managed to get
out of it. But now we're not allowed to even talk about each other, more so
talk to each other. ):

Come to think of this...

I used to admire one of my geography male teacher in my school..

Frankly speaking, i really hate reading map n cramming a whole lots of earth information in my minds.. coz i just find it a simply waste of time..

But when he first come to teach my class, I love the way he taught the class with his charm and suave...

Beside tat, he is a doting husband to his wife...one of the few reason which i consider him as a GOOD teacher...

There is no romance feeling involved as I write that above paragraph...

Just like a normal student writing out the good point of a favourite teacher..

But my secondary school so far had not blasted out this kind of scandalous news...

But I wun be surprised if the teacher is single, young, cute and handsome...coz tat's wat make the poor gurl fall in luv with him in the first place..

But well..This kind of teacher-student relationship is still kinda unacceptable in singapore

(It holds the same regard to any lbgt relationship..)

Matured men likes Women .... not Girls.

While it's true that your teachers are Matured and Wise compared to the boys
in your class ... are they truly Matured and Wise compared to their peers?
Matured adults won't fall for girls ... I am a thinking adult, and I have
emotional needs as an adult that girls can never provide. Relationships has to
be mutually giving and sustaining. You know your teacher can give you good
advise ... but can you give good advise to your teacher?

Life is not a fairy-tale whereby you can sustain a relationship simply by
having that "feeling of Love" for each other. There are many practical things to
consider being together ... and i don't advise you to have a long-term
relationship at this point. It would be good for you to go for dates and explore
your options, but don't let the guys do anything else to you.

If your teacher is truly matured, he will not lead you on. He is merely being
matured in your perspective as a student. But not in the perspective of a
working adult.

I know it's not easy being a teenager (I was once there), but my advise to
you is ... don't grow up too fast ... enjoy your simplicity as a student and
just concentrate on your studies and pursue your interests. Why make life so
complicated by over-thinking?

Ya....so for thoes gurl out there which is hopelessly in love with your teacher...

Wrench urself out of it...coz it can nv get u anywhere except more heartache and tears..

Ya, i noe he is mature, smart and stable with a good financial background...

But falling in love with teacher in an unwritten rule in school..

If u wan mature guys, find outside your school...others school male teachers also can..but not ur own school...coz it will only make your life misearable when the whole scandal is being leaked out..

They will be more than happy to embrace you into their arms..

^^

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